When you meet someone for the first time, do you ever hear a little voice in your head that tells you if you should like them or not ? Have you ever thought about how truthful that voice was? Have you ever corrected that inner voice? Perhaps…once…twice… Maybe never..
In our everyday life, we seem to come across so many situations where people judge us, and we judge them. Sometimes we don’t hear their thoughts and sometimes we don’t know how they are judging us, but other times we judge people and it shows from the way we treat them . In order to move forward in life, we want to figure out the behaviours of people and get to know what they are like, therefore we heed to judging. It is not wrong to judge, it is the WAY we judge people which might just be wrong. This article will help you change your outlook to judge people, if you are doing it the wrong way and will open you up to what you should do instead. So by talking to a psychologist, reading related articles and from my own experience I have put together a few ways to help you move forward from judging people and instead moving towards keeping a broad mind.
Be able to love
Instead of having a negative approach to people, learn the art of loving everyone and being grateful for the things that surround you. Whoever you come across, find a way to love some aspect of them. Start by loving the things that you are surrounded with. Perhaps you love your family, but do you ever take action to show this to them? Go ahead and show your love to the people at home, and venture out to even the most ‘frightening’ people you come across. Feasibly, in all of this, you might just need to love yourself first. In order to be able to love, you have to be able to forgive, be kind and try and understand the people and happenings in your everyday life. This will help you love yourself and other things surrounding you, and you will be comfortable with who you are and what you have. Eventually, you won’t have time to judge anybody at the blink of an eye because you’ll be too busy loving and understanding.
Find yourself-it starts from you being able to look deep down
When you judge people, it may be because you’ve gone through a situation where you were constantly judged for something you were not. Or perhaps you focus on your weaknesses instead of your strengths, and are always putting yourself down. Or you might not enjoy social environments, so you judge people because you don’t want to be apart of this ‘social environment’. Look deep down and realise why you judge people? Is it because maybe you don’t allow broader options once you’ve set a conclusion in your mind, or maybe there are insecurities you need to work one. When it comes to people, sometimes what they display to the public is not what they really are deep down. I used to be very nervous in certain public settings , and I wasn’t able to communicate well, but I was able to communicate well in other settings. Eventually I realised this and it was just a particular situation that made me change my behaviour.
Find yourself first, look at your strengths and your weaknesses, this will help you polish your ability to judge people. Gradually as you realise yourself, you will be able to understand why and how you judge people, and you will not judge people in order to compensate for what you feel that you lack.
Giving respect to everyone allows you to refrain from judging, and instead lunge into accepting. When you judge people you seem to be putting them at a misconstrued level. In order to give respect to everyone, you might as well start with being fair. Be fair with your thoughts towards that person. Treat them with kindness and listen when they speak. You can always be kind, but able to speak up for yourself when need be. Respecting everyone, does not mean that for one day you are resilient to give respect,and then another day you are not. Simply be respectful to everyone and divert from prejudice.
Refrain from treating people the way others do
Sometimes in a new environment people might treat others in a lowly manner, and slowly you realise that everyone else seems to find it okay to treat them that way. You slowly become a part of the commodity and unconsciously you treat that particular person as the other members of society do. Be true to yourself and don’t get dragged into the gestures and mind of others, when you know that you can do better. I experienced being treated as if i had done something wrong by members of the community, not through verbal communication but by physical interaction, however that did not affect how I treated those same people because they never said anything wrong to me. I was sharp and would speak up whenever I needed to, but I have never looked down upon them. It’s hard not to treat people as they treat you, especially if they look down upon you, but try and challenge yourself not to fall down that road and stay true. The Bible says that ‘a truly fair judge is blind and deaf to any outer influence.’ (Isa. 42:1, 19-21)
Communicate with people
Perhaps the best way to put yourself out there in the world, is to talk and converse with people. If you don’t communicate with people how will you be able to know them better? And if you don’t want to get to know them better, why judge them in the first place?
Change your thoughts from negative to positive
The way you see your outer surrounding in your mind, is reflected through your actions. If you seem to hate a certain person because of their characteristics, it will be reflected in the way you respond to them, or talk about them to other people. If you seem to want change and don’t seem to be moving forward, then perhaps your mind may have more negative thoughts than positive. Every time you think negatively, there will be a part of you that will struggle to see what could have been positive. If you feel that you might judge too much, then it’s high time you started seeing things the other way around. Judging people with a positive mind helps you understand them better. For example, if you go up to a few people and notice that they are talking in loud tones, a negative, judgemental person would say ‘look at them gossiping’ or ‘look how loud they are’. A positive person, would not judge them because of the way they are talking to others, they will wait to talk to that person to know them better. The Qu’ran quotes ; “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead?..” [49:12]
The right way to judge
The wrong way to judge, is believing that you are able to read the motives and intentions of another persons heart and mind perfectly. This is when you believe that you can see through someone. You might feel that after talking to a person once you are able to know them inside out. But that happens to be the wrong path to lead. That is the path that will have you jumping to judgement’s, without considering other factors. Dont get me wrong, there are people out there who are able to judge people ‘correctly’, but those people might not be reading this article, because perhaps they aren’t struggling. There’s no need to judge someone through a negative outlook by addressing their physical traits, religion, clothes and so forth. But instead by understanding their background, words, situation and most importantly keeping a positive outlook to everyone. I Know, I know… There are people out there who might get onto your nerves because they say things that are completely wrong and self-centred. But you do not have to judge them for that, in fact such people are having their own problems and can easily be avoided when you keep to your own thoughts and stay true to yourself.
Hey, judgement’s come to people naturally, that is not bad. But you can choose to be different, in terms of avoiding judging people and instead having a strong, broad mind and also not loosing respect towards anyone. Treat everyone with respect; the little boy you meet, the teenage girl with a frown, the lady who sweeps the floor, the man with a shy nature and even yourself… 🙂