Do you want to fear less?

What are you afraid of? Are you dealing with it well? Recently I was chatting with a friend of mine and she emphasised how she was so anxious and afraid to perform normal tasks, in fear of having stress problems. Another friend told me how he feared becoming like his father, who was cruel and unfair. Another person claimed how she feared swimming, because she didn’t know how to…. I, myself, have fears…some that I have conquered and others that I am yet to conquer..
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This is a step by step guide to help you to find ways to take hold of your fears and of course, reduce them.

Be true to yourself

Sometimes when you  fear things on a daily basis, you tend to forget who you really are, and base your life on fear, therefore forgetting what you’re really made of. As a result, you resort to over-thinking and over-analysing. Should this happen, just write a list of your strengths and weakness, your hobbies and dislikes, your achievements, your goals, amongst other factors. This will only help you see the real you, the person you really are, and not the person that fear makes you into. It is a small, but vital step. Recall who you are, and begin believing in yourself, tell yourself that ‘fear can’t put me down’. Be happy with who you are and at the same time accept yourself.


Whenever you happen to feel fearful, switch those thoughts over to what you are grateful for instead. For example, if you fear talking to certain people, tell yourself instead that ‘I am lucky and grateful to be able to develop my communication skills’, if you fear boat rides say ‘ I am grateful for how beautiful our waters are’ or if you fear death tell yourself ‘I am grateful to be healthy and living’. It will be hard, you might even think that this is a ridiculous idea, but mind you over time, this idea of switching fearful thoughts over to grateful thoughts will help you love and live the world in peace. It really helps.
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Identify what causes the fear

You might fear something psychologically and it could range from ‘fear of swimming’,to , ‘fear of denial’. When the fear kicks in, you will be able to notice it, because your body will either fall prey to it or try and fight it off. You will know for sure. Identify the cause of your fear, for example, do you suddenly start getting anxiety when in a crowd of people? Perhaps you are afraid of being around people?  When you identify what causes your fear to trigger, then you can progress by identifying how you react to it, and you can then change your thought process to positive whenever you encounter the situation.

Connect with people

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Well, where did this one come from? What if you have fear of speaking to people then what? Hey, don’t worry, you don’t have to dive right in. Connecting with people helps you to learn about them, and when you ask questions, then you might learn new ideas and information from around . You will gain confidence when you communicate well with people and this gives you a chance to let you confidence outshine your fears, and also helps with learning experiences.


I would have easily placed this under ‘ Connect with People’, but it’s such an important topic that it had to have its own subheading. When you become mentally kind, sharp and considerate you are able to connect with people. It allows your maturity to shine, and you feel at ease when conveying your ideas and thoughts. You will see yourself speaking up more often. And when you become kind and  sharp, automatically some of your  fears will hold back, because your mind is becoming healthier. So, do you note advantages  in that sense? Trust me on this one. With this step,your psychological fears, no matter what, will reduce and impact you less.

Challenge the fear

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When you fear something, you will move away from whatever it is that you fear, or you will constantly place the fear in your mind. But, as soon as you know what the fear is,  you need to challenge it. When you approach the idea of the fear, let’s say that you’re thinking about it, then you need to challenge your thoughts and tell yourself ‘It’s okay’. Start from your thoughts and venture out to action, for example if you have a fear of heights….think of it as ‘fun’ and go rock climbing. If you fear swimming in the deep end, get in that water, even if it means clinging on to a floating device. Once you challenge that fear and face it, you will feel stronger and your fear will begin to fade.

Don’t be idle.

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There is a saying that goes, ‘An idle mind is the Devil’s workshop, and idle hands his tools’.When you are idle, you begin to feel worthless and negative vibes begin to hit you. You start to feel worn out and neglected and oh, that is the best time for your Fears to enter your mind, or if they are already there; they penetrate deeper. You do not want to be scared for the remaining of your life and neither do you want to sit around and do nothing. So, get out there, and do something with your life, even if it means reading books, travelling or doing community service. When told to face your fears, try not to be lazy and claim that you have no time..because it is mere excuses used by your mind to avoid facing fears. Being out there in the world, will help you work your way to conquering your fears, and evaluating them respectfully.

Worry less.

It can seem like worrying has nothing to do with fears, but let me give you my insight. In an ever growing world how can one not worry?  When you worry or stress, you bring upon unnecessary fears to yourself. I knew someone who had a dozen fears engraved in her mind, and that resulted to her worrying a-lot. But by relaxation techniques, over a few months, she reduced her fears to a small percent.
When your heart starts to beat fast and you start worrying or panicking, take a deep breath at that moment and meaningfully say that “I’m okay”, “this is a learning experience”, “I do not fear”. And then keep your facial expressions relaxed so you can think with a calm mind. Meditating can really help you achieve relaxation. Meditate over time so you can get used to it, and do it more often. When meditating, put soothing music or positive affirmations, and meditate happily, not in a state of worrying how well you will mediate and so forth. The fear might insert itself in your mind during meditation, but simply tell yourself “it’s okay”, “I don’t fear it”.
Dance, do yoga, pray etc…and take action. Overall, find ways like the above, in order to fear and worry less.

Positive to negative

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Change you thoughts to positive, because the more you think and imagine fearful experiences, then it’s more likely that you will attract more of those. Force your mind to think and speak positively. This will attract everything positive..even if it takes time.

Living fearlessly is something many people aspire to do, internally or externally.
The list of fears is endless, therefore I am not able to pinpoint on a group of fears, because every person is different. But the steps I have written out, definitely lead you to decrease fearing and it builds you up to becoming a fearless being. DON’T GIVE UP.
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Do you seem to fall into judging people often?

When you meet someone for the first time, do you ever hear a little voice in your head that tells you if you should like them or not ? Have you ever thought about how truthful that voice was? Have you ever corrected that inner voice? Perhaps…once…twice… Maybe never..

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In our everyday life, we seem to come across so many situations where people judge us, and we judge them. Sometimes we don’t hear their thoughts and sometimes we don’t know how they are judging us, but other times we judge people and it shows from the way we treat them . In order to move forward in life, we want  to figure out the behaviours of people and get to know what they are like, therefore we heed to judging. It is not wrong to judge, it is the WAY we judge people which might just be wrong. This article will help you change your outlook to judge people, if you are doing it the wrong way and will open you up to what you should do instead. So by talking to a psychologist, reading related articles and from my own experience I have put together a few ways to help you move forward from judging people and instead moving towards keeping a broad mind.

Be able to love

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Instead of having a negative approach to people, learn the art of loving everyone and being grateful for the things that surround you. Whoever you come across, find a way to love some aspect of them. Start by loving the things that you are surrounded with. Perhaps you love your family, but do you ever take action to show this to them? Go ahead and show your love to the people at home, and venture out to even the most ‘frightening’ people you come across. Feasibly, in all of this, you might just need to love yourself first. In order to be able to love, you have to be able to forgive, be kind and try and understand the people and happenings in your everyday life. This  will help you love yourself and other things surrounding you, and you will be comfortable with who you are and what you have. Eventually, you won’t have time to judge anybody at the blink of an eye because you’ll be too busy loving and understanding.

Find yourself-it starts from you being able to look deep down

When you judge people, it may be because you’ve gone through a situation where you were constantly judged for something you were not. Or perhaps you focus on your weaknesses instead of your strengths, and are always putting yourself down.  Or you might not enjoy social environments, so you judge people because you don’t want to be apart of this ‘social environment’. Look deep down and realise why you judge people? Is it because maybe you don’t allow broader options once you’ve set a conclusion in your mind, or maybe there are insecurities you need to work one. When it comes to people, sometimes what they display to the public is not what they really are deep down. I used to be very nervous in certain public settings , and I wasn’t able to communicate well, but I was able to communicate well in other settings. Eventually I realised this and it was just a particular situation that made me change my behaviour.

Find yourself first, look at your strengths and your weaknesses, this will help you polish your ability to judge people. Gradually as you realise yourself, you will be able to understand why and how you judge people, and you will not judge people in order to compensate for what you feel that you lack.

Respect everyone

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Giving respect to everyone allows you to refrain from judging, and instead lunge into accepting. When you judge people you seem to be putting them at a misconstrued level. In order to give respect to everyone, you might as well start with being fair. Be fair with your thoughts towards that person. Treat them with kindness and listen when they speak. You can always be kind, but able to speak up for yourself when need be. Respecting everyone, does not mean that for one day you are resilient to give respect,and then another day you are not. Simply be respectful to everyone and divert from prejudice.

Refrain from treating people the way others do

Sometimes in a new environment people might treat others in a lowly manner, and slowly you realise that everyone else seems to find it okay to treat them that way. You slowly become a part of the commodity and unconsciously you treat that particular person as the other members of society do. Be true to yourself and don’t get dragged into the gestures and mind of others, when you know that you can do better. I experienced being treated as if i had done something wrong by members of the community, not through verbal communication but by physical interaction, however that did not affect how I treated those same people because they never said anything wrong to me. I was sharp and would speak up whenever I needed to, but I have never looked down upon them. It’s hard not to treat people as they treat you, especially if they look down upon you, but try and challenge yourself not to fall down that road and stay true. The Bible says that ‘a truly fair judge is blind and deaf to any outer influence.’ (Isa. 42:1, 19-21)

Communicate with people

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Perhaps the best way to put yourself out there in the world, is to talk and converse with people. If you don’t communicate with people how will you be able to know them better? And if you don’t want to get to know them better, why judge them in the first place?

Change your thoughts from negative to positive

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The way you see your outer surrounding in your mind, is reflected through  your actions. If you seem to hate a certain person because of their characteristics, it will be reflected in the way you respond to them, or talk about them to other people. If you seem to want change and don’t seem to be moving forward, then perhaps your mind may have more negative thoughts than positive. Every time you think negatively, there will be a part of you that will struggle to see what could have been positive. If you feel that you might judge too much, then it’s high time you started seeing things the other way around. Judging people with a positive mind helps you understand them better. For example, if you go up to a few people and notice that they are talking in loud tones, a negative, judgemental person would say ‘look at them gossiping’ or ‘look how loud they are’. A positive person, would not judge them because of the way they are talking to others, they will wait to talk to that person to know them better. The Qu’ran quotes ;  “O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead?..” [49:12]

The right way to judge

The wrong way to judge, is believing that you are able to read the motives and intentions of another persons heart and mind perfectly. This is when you believe that you can see through someone. You might feel that after talking to a person once you are able to know them inside out. But that happens to be the wrong path to lead. That is the path that will have you jumping to judgement’s, without considering other factors.  Dont get me wrong, there are people out there who are able to judge people ‘correctly’, but those people might not be reading this article, because perhaps they aren’t struggling.  There’s no need to judge someone through a negative outlook by addressing their physical traits, religion, clothes and so forth. But instead by understanding their background, words, situation and most importantly keeping a positive outlook to everyone. I Know, I know… There are people out there who might get onto your nerves because they say things that are completely wrong and self-centred. But you do not have to judge them for that, in fact such people are having their own problems and can easily be avoided when you keep to your own thoughts and stay true to yourself.

Hey, judgement’s come to people naturally, that is not bad. But you can choose to be different, in terms of avoiding judging people and instead having a strong, broad mind and also not loosing respect towards anyone. Treat everyone with respect; the little boy you meet, the teenage girl with a frown, the lady who sweeps the floor, the man with a shy nature and even yourself… 🙂

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