Self-confidence is an essential in today’s nation. You need to be able to express yourself, communicate and become an individual of your own, without feeling self-conscious.
We all do require self-confidence in our daily lives… But does anyone ever ask what happens in your minds? Perhaps everyone gives you suggestions to be more confident, but does anyone really know what thoughts are stirring up in your mind? Every time you might be told to “Become stronger or sharper”, “Go talk to more people”, “Be more confident”. And every now and then, you know you can do it, you just know it, but then you feel like you have lost it all. In-fact you can be confident, but sometimes your mind just does not agree with you. Your mind has led you to feel self-conscious and feasibly even weak. And you are constantly criticizing yourself… You are the only one who can truly and fully understand what you are going through when you are falling back on self-confidence
I have grown up as the shy girl between two siblings. Having an older sibling who has always been social, a hard worker , an athlete, a painter, and has got traits that do not touch on self-consciousness or shyness , always made me question everything I ever did. It is not that I envy my older brother, I just used to wonder why I was always the shy, closed-off child, and he, not so much. Therefore, I was always comparing myself with him, and so was the rest of the world…at-least that’s what I thought.
I had become so conscious towards everything. When I was in class seven, I remember being conscious of my teeth, then later my hair, my body, my talking manner, my laughter, my friends… It was a viscous cycle in my head. But nobody understood…and those who did, tried to help but they could not fully help. It was agonizing knowing my capabilities and social potential and yet not being able to fulfill them. I used to fear myself, my actions, people and so much more. And as much as I would be conscious I never thought of the side-effects, which included depression, isolation and even anger outbursts. Many of us go through it.
But, as much as I used to have a problem with self-confidence, I’ve finally managed to conquer the fear of It, and become more confident. It took awhile, and I’m still struggling here and there, but I’m no longer at the point where I look at myself in shame , questioning why i’m not confident. I really wanted to show you what you can do to increase your self-confidence If you might be struggling with it. By consulting a Psychologist, reviewing articles on the world-wide web and basing my information on my own experiences, I decided to write this article to show you how to unleash your confidence and self-esteem.
Before you start any of this, you have to believe that you can attain the confidence that you lack. Then only can you move forward.
Stop worrying what other people think of you-
Find things you love to do and focus on that. This will distract you from the energy you waste thinking about what other people did, said and so forth, and it diverts your mind to better and more important things. The more you worry the more negative energy you feel around you.
Let’s say someone is talking to you but you don’t like what they are saying, don’t agree with them or keep quiet about it. Be yourself and kindly yet sharply tell them what you have to say about whatever it is they think the opposite of. But then again you have to be able to see their perspective first, before concluding that they are saying something wrong.
In your mind and heart always know that you are important and you are valuable as a person, therefore you can stop worrying what other people think, and start focusing on things you love.You have the right to speak up, even when others discourage it…
BE POSITIVE. THAT’S ALL.
This..for some people, is easier said than done. But you can do it. Don’t let your worries put you down, therefore making you despise yourself. Wake up every morning, look in the mirror, look at yourself with optimism and smile, thinking in your mind how beautiful you are. If for example, it is pimples you are conscious of, tell yourself “it’s alright” and that “this is ME”. If you are unhappy with your figure, tell yourself, “nobody else can pull-off this look”. (If you have gained unhealthy weight, make an effort to lose it, it will not only motivate you, but bring health to your lifestyle).Engage in a healthy lifestyle and it will make you feel better on a daily basis. Have authentic gratitude towards others around you for the small things they do, and you will see the gratitude reflect back to you. Tell yourself that “I am confident”, and follow through with these words throughout your entire day. Let the fear go….
If you have always been a sarcastic type or one who judges too fast, it’s time to change. Don’t be afraid of change, after all, the benefit will come to you. Sure from time to time small sarcastic jokes are alright, but there’s no need to over-do it. When you are sarcastic, you intend to put people down, therefore your own insecurities show. The same comes with judging people. Generally speaking, kindness should come from your heart and it should be genuine and selfless, where you perceive others as equal and treat people with love and understanding. Do not follow the path where you pretend to be kind in return for a reward or expecting people to do things for you; this is more selfish than selfless.
Make a program to do something kindly everyday. Start small, for example opening the door for someone and then move forward to bigger actions, like helping out at a charity. If you fear that becoming kind will make you appear weak,that is not true, because then you are mixing being kind with the idea of pleasing people. There’s a HUGE difference. You can be kind, and yet still be able to say no when needed. Being compassionate will not only make you feel stronger and happier, it will raise your self-confidence as well .
Usually, and I dont know if this was just some people, but having low self-confidence made them smile alot because they were self-conscious of using words to communicate, in fear of feeling moronic, unnoticed or misunderstood …So they would over-smile, and yes, it was wrong, because It left no room for seriousness. So they would ignore facing reality.
When phrased with a serious question , answer it without fearing, and don’t just smile! Don’t get me wrong, smiling is beautiful, but smiling to please others and show that you are perfect is phony. You should smile whenever you want to, but it should be genuine and dont be afraid to stop smiling and become serious.You do not need to worry if people will like you or not or worry that they might get intimidated by you just because you have stopped smiling for awhile. A genuine smile will always lift your confidence.
Trust yourself first-
Trust comes from within. Sometimes when you talk to someone they seem unsure of their words, they mumble, let’s say that they forgot where they left their keys , would you trust such a person at the top of your head? In order to help you understand yourself, start trusting yourself from within and symbolize it. Give people a reason to trust you. Take responsibility in your hands, even if it seems intimidating. People will automatically start trusting you, and this will raise your esteem. If you have a problem with trusting people, think of whether you are worth being trusted first.
Fake it, till you make it-
Stand up tall, talk slowly and look into peoples eyes. Do not react with too much excitement when spoken to, it leaves you with no room for calmness… Therefore be calm and act as if you always know what you are doing. Eventually you will attain the confidence that you want and need.
Refuse to Judge. Refuse to compare-
The title says it. Refuse to judge people before actually getting to know them. For example, do not perceive someone as ‘ugly’ just because they have a physical or mental trait which is not common among other people or as ‘weird’ if they do something that you don’t like. Basically put an end to judging people instantly. In your mind , shut off any random judgement’s that come by, until you truly know a person. It will help raise your confidence to know that you are able to treat other people with respect, starting in your mind. You are your own individual and when you compare yourself to other people it is because you are insecure of yourself. Whenever you feel like comparing someone, think of something you like about them. Think of what makes them beautiful as an individual, and change you thought perspective. I used to compare myself with my older sibling, and I would always feel down thinking I am not good enough, but when I stopped doing that, I viewed myself as a unique individual with my own abilities and traits. Nobody is perfect and if you’re ready to accept that, you’re ready to move forward.
Encourage small talk-
Try step by step to talk to anyone who wants to talk to you. Be calm when you first meet them, and for example, don’t glance at your phone in-between, just because you dont feel like talking. Think of everyone as beautiful, and it will make it easier for you to showcase your beautiful personality to others, and them to you. This will give you a social opening, a platform to begin on. And to be able to talk to people without feeling afraid simply think of them as your friend. Small talk will lead to paths of bigger and deeper conversations. When you talk to someone, have genuine interest in communicating with the person, no matter how unfriendly or awkward you might perceive them to be. Try it, you might just make someone happy. And it will boost your confidence too.
Perhaps i haven’t covered everything, because there are so many factors and things to do that will lift you up to the confidence you would like to have. I have put down the main components to help you begin in steps to increase your self-confidence
It’s never too late to change. If you lack confidence…it’s not because you don’t have it in you, it is just that there are barriers that are pushing you from achieving this confidence. Remember never to replace confidence with cockiness…meaning that you have to have your respect and self-esteem, but do not let it turn into arrogance, where you begin to belittle people . Eventually, it will put you down, and you won’t be surrounded by positivity, but instead negativity.
In your mind, always be patient and know that it is the first step to progress when you decide to make a change to yourself one day.